New Entry using Windows Live…

Well Well…

Just when I thought that my “career” as a writer was over, Windows Live came in life as a saviour. The Windows Live Writer I am using now to post this entry is an absolutely wonderful tool to say the least. In fact, MS coming up with an integrated platform to manage your social interests can make it very easy for lazy bums like to me do something we really like to do.

I have always read that if you really love to do something, then you will find time to do it. I love writing but I can’t seem to find time. Something or the other keeps happening. Either I am too tired or too lazy. Anyway, this Live thing could help me get over that lack of time and laziness too. I hope it does.

I am just going through the features and there are some really cool ones on display. The preview is just a tab away, there are a million formatting features, the publish date can be set anytime in the future, very easy methods to enter pictures, videos, links etc. etc. But the best part is none of the feature set because most of it is also available online on blogosphere too.

The best part is that the speed of operation is dependent on my machine speed which is quite fast. One of the things which I do not like about working on the net is that I am all the time dependent on the speed of my broadband which can be a serious dampener to your productivity. All this while I have been moving between menus and tabs and experimenting without clicking on links and waiting for things to happen. Great!

So since this thing might be putting my fledgling career back on track, so I dedicating this post to Windows Live Writer.

Life at the time of Death...

There is an inner conflict...
I cannot explain it very well but it has something to do with Life and Death...

I was at a funeral recently...I will not go into who and where and when...
There were lots of familiar faces and some not so familiar...
But there was something that I never expected to see there...Normalcy.

There was little sadness except on a few faces and there was a careless attitude in the air...
People were unapologetically chatty and carelessly chirpy...

I couldn't help but ask myself why this was so...I couldn't come up with a definite answer...
This was no occasion to chat about politics, bad food, the share market and what you have but that was the case...

Was it because people are mature and understand that death befalls everyone one day?
Was it because people did not see a reason to be sad?
Was it the dollops of positivity or rather a lack of attachment or respect?
Or was it that they were too worried about their own problems that anything else did not matter as much?
Or was it just me reading too much into nothing?

I don't know and I can't seem to decide...But what disturbs and surprises me is the fact that no one even pretended to be hurt in the least...
But hey...Was I feeling hurt myself on losing someone?
To a degree I was...and I tried to maintain a sense of dignity and propriety for the occasion

And the fact of the matter is that no matter how busy you are with your life or no matter if you even disliked the person or even worse that you couldn't care less, when a soul leaves the earth and if you seem to even vaguely relate to that person let alone be related closely to him...respect death if you can't seem to respect the dead.

I do not know that with time a certain coldness and apathy enters you...but it seems it does...and the effect is widespread.
Either we are too busy to feel sorry for the dead or too used to death...either case defies me.

I learnt something today. It matters less right now that someone somewhere just ceased to exist but it does matter how it affects your way of looking at life. Respect it, accept it grudgingly or ignore it, Death is a way of life.

And it starts...

This post comes straight from dubai...My home for the next six months...

Throw in a little bit of anxiety, a little bit of excitement, a little bit of "not belonging here" feeling, a little bit of determination and a little bit of fear of the unknown and you will feel what I am feeling right now...

the last couple of months have given me no time to think of what will happen in the future but i have only played catch with the immediate present...the last few months starting from March 19 have been so fast that I cant believe its not even two months since that fateful day...

the result, the excitement, the run for getting the first installment in, then the run for the getting the rest of the dough, the dash for getting the docs in order, catching up with family and friends, working side-by-side and trying to make sure that I dont give anyone a reason to complain and someone else answering for me, fighting and convincing my superiors to relieve me of my duties, making and updating lists everyday of things to do...there has been so much of running around that these past few weeks have seemed much longer than they actually are...

and now i am here...
in a new place...among new people...amidst a new atmosphere...a new beginning to put it in a few short words...

and it scares me and it also excites me...

it will definitely start something that i have always wanted for myself...

now that i am here i want to make sure that i carry on the good work that i did to get here and live up to everybody else's and my own expectations of myself...

the one good thing that this opportunity has already done for me even before i get on with the real thing is that it has made me plan for the future...in a way i have never done before...there is a sense of urgency and a repurcussion for everything that I do from here on...and so i have to think and act all the more carefuly...

this all may seem so bookish and philosophical...but thats me right now...
i dont know how things will happen from tomorrow on...but i know that things will work out...just need to stick it out...

i dont know when i will be back...but i know i will...just need to wait it out...

Cheers till then,
sameer

The Matchup!!!

What a shot!!!
And that makes it 30 runs for the over... 4, 6, 4, 6, 4, 6
Sehwag is on a roll and now the Delhi Daredevils need just 1 run more to win of 7 overs...
What a fine display of attacking batting...and to have such an experience on my first ever Live Match was a bonus...

To put things into perspective...I am talking about tyesterday's T20 match between Delhi DareDevils and the Deccan Chargers...
Delhi is my homestate and I have undying loyalty towards it even though I have been in Hyderabad close to 3 years now and in AP itself for almost 7...But that does not change the fact that I am a Delhiite by heart and yesterday I was all for the DareDevils...

The match was at Uppal Stadium and getting there from HITEC was a royal pain...we somehow reached there as the first over had just begun...with hopes and dreamy eyed we walked into the stadium to find our seats already taken...not wanting to create any scene (it was more to watch the cricket than waste our time squabbling with people) we rested our already weary bodies somewhere near mid-wicket (from one end that is)...

It was a sight...the field was green all over and looked magnificent...the legends were there on the field and McGrath was bowling...he looked so ordinary.
In fact, everyone we looked at...the bowler, the fielder or even the batsmen who had just walked in they did not look like the stars they look on TV...Its the distance I know but they were just there in front of us and it didnt seem like a big deal...it could be anyone.
Then a loud crack and the ball just effortlessly clears the field and lands way back into the crowd...

It then strikes you that these are no ordinary men...you cannot even imagine the finesse with which they guide or force the ball on TV as it does on the widescreen experience that your eyes and ears give you...

Watching a match live on TV is an altogether different experience...you are up close and personal with the players...you can see their changing expressions...the turning of the bat at the last moment...a fielder stopping the ball cms. from the rope in slow...a bowler releasing the ball with a perfect seam up...and all of this again in slow motion and with more angles than you could care to see from...

There is nothing of this sort when you are in a stadium...you have to strain your eyes to make out who is who...you have but once chance to see that cover drive..or else you can see it on the big screen standing in one corner of the ground with a pathetic resolution and wierd colour scheme...But there is something that no TV in any home can ever equal...

Its the single motion play...
The bowler glides in and gets into his delivery stride...delives a short ball which the batsmen pulls towards the mid-wicket...the fielder runs after it and slides to pick it up...gathers it cleanly and throws it from the edge of the ground straight over the top of the stumps and the batsman just making his ground...
When you are there, this all happens in a few secs with no pauses and in one continuous stream showcasing some terrific talent...where those ordinary looking people on the field suddenly jump into another gear and do extraordinary things...and you are seeing all of this in one go since you cannot afford to miss a moment...if its gone, its gone forever...that's what draws you towards the game...

On TV there are maybe 10 pauses when the camera changes direction...you see the bowler now...now you see the batsmen pulling the ball...now you see the fielder running after it...now he slides and throws it back and then you see the wicketkeeper gathering the ball on top of the stumps...This you may say brings you closer to the action but I say it takes you away...you won't believe it until you have been there...That single motion bigscreen experience is to be felt to be believed...
The fact that Delhi DareDevils knocked the wind out of Deccan Chargers was the icing on the cake...it just made the experience all the more wonderful...

I never understood why is there so much excitement to see a live match in a stadium filled to the brim amidst a sweating and screaming crowd when we can watch it from the comfort of our homes with so many camera angles and everything replayed back in slow motion...
Now I know.

A New Beginning

There is a slight unrest in the air...

I cannot pinpoint if it is justified but it is there nonetheless...a certain something is trying to make inroads in our lives here and it is being percieved as a higher meaning by someone and as unwanted and unwelcome by someone else...

Someone thinks it will shake people out of their slumber and change their way of living and someone thinks it is all a farce...

I come in the latter category...

I choose to stay passive to a few things...I dont want to do something myself but I don't feel any different for someone who does...

I think the most foolish thing that people do is pass a judgement on people they dont know on some action they dont understand...

No offences to anyone but I would leave it to the individual to decide how dysfunctional his/her life is and let them decide to take the appropriate action...That is until I really think I need to step in if someone does not realize that they are on the path to self destruction...

It is subjective I know...but I have come to trust my own decisions...I am impulsive but I am not naive or stupid...

Humans by nature have always looked at change a little suspiciously...lets accept it...we live the "if it aint broken, its working" mentality...

The institutions/forums/books that educate people how to "live happily" have been around for ages...They tell you the higher meaning of life...the inner force that is dormant...the power to choose and to make your dreams a reality...

I am told that a particular "course" will help you in reaching a higher level of learning...above a level where you cannot think beyond right now...it will give me the power to choose and go after something in an entirely different manner than I can possibly imagine and achieve what I dream of...I will also look at people in a different light altogether...I will become more committed towards whatever I am doing and I will never feel any contraints whatsover...That it is not only for people who are unhappy with their lives and want to succeed but some of the achievers and big shots are taking to it in a big way...be it housewives, CEOs, professionals etc. etc.

They all are learning to live their lives in a new way...

I respect that.

But what of people who think they are happy with imperfections...I am not perfect...no one I know is...I have had goals that I was not able to achieve and everyone has had that experience at some point of time in their lives...

We all have difficulties and constraints that we have to work under...Is that supposed to make us unhappy? I dont want to generalise since there will be differing views but it is agreed that if you keep looking at the unhappy side of your life then you cannot make yourself or anyone else happy...

But do I need a forum to tell me that I am unhappy right now and I dont realize that and also that I can do better...I am not unhappy right now and I can definitely do better...

It is then argued that it is not about making someone unhappy, happy, but about teaching how to live a life that is unbound, unchained and put your overburdened mind to peace...

But I see it as telling you that you are flawed in your thnking and you are not supposed to lead a life this way...

Wrong.

What if I am happy now in the present and I am on the track to someplace where I want to end up...

I am imperfect in my thinking and I have my flaws...

I am also happy.

I dont think that I want to improve on that.

I am resistant to change because I am not sure if I my mind is so screwed up that I need to take help to help me make my decisions...

I have a few priorities and as long as I am able to meet them then it is more than enough to keep me happy for the rest of my life...I dont think I need anyone to simplify it for me still further...

I am not sure how to end this post...I really am not able to think of a suitable ending.

Can you help me?

Long time no see...

Its been a while...

Almost an year now...

And it has been hectic...not that it is an excuse not to post for such a long time but I am so damn lazy...I procrastinate and it has plagued me...I cannot seem to do anything instantaneously...I just have to put off things over something else...and put off that thing too for something else altogether...

Not that my priorities are screwed but I just don't seem to get the point that I need to get a move on...I get things done and done well but only at the last moment...

What do you do when you feel like putting something off for tomorrow...You remember that you put off things and should not do this...and remind yourself this again and again till it becomes a way of life and you do things as soon as they are on your desk...But what to do when you keep forgetting things too?

I think I have a minor case of amnesia...I can't seem to remember things either and I put off the things that I do remember...So you may ask "Do you ever do anything...late or on time comes later...but do u actually bring something to completion?"

The resounding answer is: YES.

I do do things...and I do them on time...I remember them late in the day and then I run around to get it done but I don't rest till I complete them...and I have also realized that I perform best when I am hard pressed for time...I don't tire out running around...Never.

Strange as it may seem but it seems that this post does not convey anything...it just rambles on but it is not meant to be a post per se. It is meant to be a conversation with self and getting a few things in perspective...the fact that it appears on my blog is only because these thoughts started doing their rounds in my mind only when I opened this window to post something substantial but the force with which this came was unstoppable...

The topic was to be MBA...I am going for my MBA and going soon...I am very happy and elated. I have been looking forward to it for quite some time now...something or the other kept coming in the way but it had to happen sooner or later...I was going to make sure of that and it is happening now...

Starting a new life...on a new path and going among strangers set to become friends for life...going to a new place totally uncooked and raw...and sure of coming out all "well done"!!

With little time left...I promise to write some more sense soon...another poem perhaps ;-)

Till then...

Take care and cheers,

Sameer

Getting a Life back...

Its been a long time since I last posted...So long that I am not even sure that my avid readers actually remember my URL ;)

I was out of action for a long time due to a very untimely accident (are they ever timely u ask..well they are sometimes). This Hyderabad traffic finally got to me. I have been scared out of my wits driving on the killer roads here but this time it had something special in store for me.

I was out driving at 11:30 in the night. The weather was great...the wind was blowing and I was feeling very happy to be where I was. And then a golden colour Maruti 800 ( i see all this later whenever I relive those moments in slow motion) came careening towards out of nowhere. I saw the two headlights of a car and suddenly they turned four and before I could realise what was happening it was too late. The smart ass driver realised too late that he would not be able to overtake smoothly, braked hard and hit me (where exactly i didnt know till a few seconds later). I knew that he hit me and the bike...I was furious and couldnt control my anger. I got off the bike with a little difficulty and shouted at the driver who stopped the car a little far from the spot. He spat back at me saying that I was driving wrong :) and I knew that its another one of those hyd drivers (no offences people but I have little respect left for those who are endangering lives of others but just dont seem to realise this).

--- >You may not want to read the next paragraph as I describe what I went through after that...skip it if you dont like gory details...I just have to write all this to get it out of me...

And then I realised that my sandals are a little sticky. I saw I was bleeding but there was hardly any pain. It was dark and I couldnt see my wound. I tried lifting my right foot but it stung me. I moved into the light and saw that half of my big toe was not there. I could see part of my bone exposed. Half of the nail was still sticking out lamely and there was blood on the spot where I was standing. It was a horrible sight to look at and I couldnt believe my eyes at first. I was just left looking at it and forgot about the car and taking down its number. The nice guy saw my wound, turned on his heels and ran away. I knew that I was in trouble. I was going to lose a toe and I felt odd, empty inside and so cold. It was one of those moments where you are not even forced to think...what next? I later also got to know that other half of my toe was stuck between the bike gaurd and the engine...crushed.

I called up my friends and told them I had an accident. Told them where I was with as much calm as I could muster. Sat on the curb there waiting for them, answering their calls about my whereabouts. A couple of security gaurds saw the scene and had come to my help. They gave me water and asked me if I needed help (sometimes I feel as if only the underpriviliged like them have the heart and time to care for someone unknown). I asked them to leave as I wanted to be left alone before my tryst with the hospital started. The blessed people didnt leave and stayed there till all my friends arrived all at once. Anuj came with his room mates car and helped me onto the back seat. Ravi also came with me in the car and in the short discussion that followed it was decided that Apollo Hospital would be the best option right now. Suman drove my bike (which was still in mint condition) to the hospital. Ramu and muffu came on their bikes to the hospital and got me admitted. The doctors told me that they wont be able to save all of my toe and will salvage as much as possible. I am sure they tried hard enough. I am right now back in shape and almost as active as ever :) Work never stops but now I make sure I do. Make sure to spend time with myself and with my loved ones.

I will stop here as after this a long period of struggle and immense pain started. The surgery and the post surgery period is another complete experience in itself. I will keep that for some other time before you guys fall asleep

The accident and the ensuing few minutes taught me how vulnerable and fragile we are. You can be as mentally and emotionally strong as you want but when you get hit by a car you will still be physically hurt. I have been blessed with the friends and my family who stood by me and never at once let me lose myself. Tears actually fill my eyes as I write this when I think of that night. Not by the pain that I still feel but knowing how lucky I am to have such wonderful people in my life. I shrug to think of what could have happened had it not been for my friends who made sure that I was never alone until they themselves felt comfortable leaving me alone. Just like the security gaurds:)

My friends couldnt save my toe but they unknowingly told me what makes your life worth living. Not money...not all the comforts you can buy with money (you still need it for the treatment though). Just plain love and friendship will get through you everything.

This blog goes out to all my friends...Ravi, Suman, Muffu, Ramu, Anuj, Deepti, Radha, Goa, Krishna, Vishy, Ipsita, Anant, Ashish, Dukkar, Fidel, Nildeep, Chetan...

As for my bike...Well it still needs to undergo a few reapirs. Then I will sell it off. I have realised, a little late maybe but nevertheless, that the thrill of a bike ride is not worth my life. Fortunately a bike's broken parts can be replaced. I sometimes wish I could get a new toe. But my half toe will always remind me of that time when I was never alone and what I got in return losing it is worth much more than that.

Love you all...Keep smiling,

Sameer